If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
