If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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