The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
