homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
