god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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