Im at strip club and am horny
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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