I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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