I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
