I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
