This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
