u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
