and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
