Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
