Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
