I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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