Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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