I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
