He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
