4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
