I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
