I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
