my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
