Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
