btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
