watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
