LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
