I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
