I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
