Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
