Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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