It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
