brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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