You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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