My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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