dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I puked a lego.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
