I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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