Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
