I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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