So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
