She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
