I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
