you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
