Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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