I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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