I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
