I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
