Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
