I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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