I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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