why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
